I began to notice the seriousness of being diabetic when I realised my parents weren’t going to get me any of the things I really wanted to eat, rather the 4liters of black drink my Dad brought to the hospital was a native medication he said would help cure me permanently and I wouldn’t be needing insulin and start eating everything I wanted to eat.
Now, from the moment of being diagnose as diabetic, my whole life changed.
Yes, it changed because I refuse to accept it as my reality, I had so many questions of “WHY’S & WHAT”. My non-acceptence, lead to so many more complicated issues in my life, but what and who to blame?
it took me nine- ten years to accept that i am diabetic and that i have to live with it, and in those nine-ten years of denial and refusal, i had terrible experinces which affected my whole life, my mental health, my social life, my self esteem, even my spiritual life.
I kept visting the hospital every month, with insanely high sugar( Hyperglemia) and with ketones in my urine which was affecting my body because, I kept refusing to take my insulin and staying away from the food I wasn’t suppose to eat, I would sneak sugar into my pap and tea, I would always look for a way to eat carbohydrate, and of course get my snacks and coke or zobo, that I became addicted to coke.
My thirteen years old self, refused to accept being diabetic, and to be honest, it wasn’t going to be easy giving up the sweet food of life, what then will i be eating?
Is it the tasteless meal, of beans and unripe plantain, the boring crackers as snacks and then no sugar drinks at all, the only drinks i was freely allowed to drink was water and my Lipton tea with skimmed milk and without sugar, fruits are in limits and small portions.
If i should agree to these rules, how then would i live my life?
How would i celebrate my fourteenth years bithday coming up in four months time?
What will i eat?
What will my friends eat?
My parents were scared, my mum was constantly in fear, we had to visit different churches because to her it was a spiritual attack, as for my dad, he kept spending money on different native medications, of which some i do drink, while some i could not stand the bitter taste and the awful smell of them.
Because of my refusal, and not taking care of my health, i was constantly admitted every month at the hospital to extent that every staff in the hospital knows me by name, from the security at the gate down to the management knew my name case. I kept battling with depression, I was so sad about life, I felt life wasn’t worth living, I was scared, worried, I kept thinking about my future, how would I continue to live like this?
Oh, I have to give up certain dreams, I loved dancing and sports, but I had to give them up for the fear of not hurting my foots, or to avoid going into (hypoglycemia) low sugar. My social circle had to change because some of my friends couldn’t understand my condition, to some I was the weak one who’s always sick, I became pathetic to them.
My faith in God began to shake, there are times my faith will go up and I will beg, cry, pray and fast, I kept reminding God how I was a servant in his church and he should remember my works and heal me, and then there are time I feel God doesn’t love me and he’s unfair to me. I felt I was going to die and yes there were times I had life threatening complications.
